Relationships: What Keeps Them Going?
I’ve had the topic of relationships going in my head for a couple of months now. I’ve been with my significant other for 2 years (June 2nd) and although we’re going through a pretty rough, rocky time I am still working my ass off in making it succeed and so is he. Of all topics that humans deal with, relationships seem to be one of the hardest topics to understand. Why? Well, it seems with my own personal examples, whenever you have to seek answers outside of yourself and your partner, you get so many conflicting answers from people. Some say to do this, others say to do that. Some say if he/she doesn’t say or do this, then he/she doesn’t love you. Others say that’s simply not true.
So I want something in writing. I want to know what makes YOU and YOUR relationship tick. And if you’re single now, give me an example of when you were in a relationship and what worked (or what didn’t work might be a better answer).
I want to do a little project with you, my awesome and educated readers. Please leave a comment below and answer this following question:
In a relationship, what is the one thing that keeps it going? (alive, working, longterm, thrive, survive)? Give me your one answer and feel free to elaborate. I will be forever indebted to you!
Tags: Advice, Dating, Life, love, Relationships
June 17th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
I think "understanding" can keep a relationship going. While I am sure some people may think that "trust" is important, I think that understanding goes further becuase it will get each other through even the hardest of times. Trust and understanding my go hand in hand, It's hard to only choose just one thing to be dependent on in a relationship. If I had to choose just one, I think that understanding would go the distance.
June 17th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Honesty…. they will find out… eventually.
June 17th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
We've been married for 39 years and the one thing that I feel keeps us young and active in our relationship is never let the romance die out. Life is a lot of give and take, adjustments and compromise, but those things are semantics and subjective depending on your point of view. The romance, though is always at the forefront. We hug, kiss, hold hands, eat together, say we love each other a lot, sleep in the same bed, cuddle and we never, ever go to bed mad (yes, that's part of the romance too).
June 17th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Probably the wrong person to give input on this. I don't let myself become dependent on people. Biggest thing on the relationship side of things is fear of being tied down. When I am hanging out with a girl and the "Hey, what do you think about starting a relationship?" question needs to be said, I start beating around the bush. Probably depriving myself of some good experiences. In regards to your question, the longest relationships I've had are ones that never got serious. Keepin' it casual, I've maintained friendships with lots of women for 7-10 years or more. Great people too. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
June 17th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
the #1 thing is communication. i can not stress that enough. we've been married for almost 9 years, but have been together for over 14 years, and it was not always hugs & puppies. we've had our fair share of downs during our relationship prior to getting married, but we got through it all before we did get married. we've hit some rough patches during our marriage, too, but no where to the point of getting divorced. we don't believe in the D word. it was more like we weren't listening to each other. normally, when we hit those moments, before we blow up and say what we really don't mean to say, we take a break, go to our own rooms (our offices), do other things, blow off steam, and then come back together and talk in a much calmer tone. it works. seriously. when you're both angry and yelling and screaming because you've had a bad day at work, or you heard something the wrong way, no one is listening. so i can not stress that enough that the #1 thing to make a relationship work is communication. of course, there is love, understanding, compromise, and respect, too. but if you can't communicate to each other, you won't be able to get the rest.
June 17th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I agree with daysies and thus change my answer from "understanding" to second her "communication." First, to understand one another, you must communicate.
June 17th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
More than anything to me, it's an initial decision that this thing will work and it will last eternally. Love is two things. It's a chemical reaction that can be triggered by holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. It's also a mental decision that I will commit my life to this person forever. The chemical part is groovy, but it's superficial. The decision is what really matters. It can bring the chemical gooey stuff back again and again and again. It also ends up causing Smurf sex. You can view that as a down side or an upside. It really just depends on how much you like the color blue.
June 17th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Keep them coming guys and gals – these are awesome! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
June 18th, 2008 at 12:34 am
It’s almost hard to say what makes my relationship work. I’ve been with my husband for almost 5 years, married for a year and a half, and I feel like we are incredibly lucky to have the relationship we do. It’s all centered around trust for me–I was burned very, very badly before I met him, and when he finally came into my life, I knew from the moment I met him that he was as trustworthy as they come. I know that he is there for me whenever I need him, whether it’s just taking out the trash, giving me a shoulder to cry on after a bad day, or taking care of me when I’m sick. That trust works both ways–there is nothing that I would not do for him if he asked it of me. Knowing that I have a partner in life who is always there to be at my side, comforting and supporting me, is so very powerful.
Communication is also key–the only times we’ve ever fought (and I can count them on one hand) are when we don’t adequately communicate with one another. It’s so important to be honest and open with one another if something bothers you or you need something that you’re not getting. It’s also important to communicate the good things–the happy things, the things you love about each other. I don’t ever leave the house or hang up the phone without telling him that I love him, and he does the same. I love hearing what a good cook I am, because it makes me feel like I can do something to help take good care of him. I always make sure he knows how much I appreciate him taking care of things when I’m not feeling well (which seems to be all the time lately). Those things may not seem like much, but our relationship is always the richer for them.
June 18th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Hey Jeff, I’m glad you took intense debate off your blog. Now I can comment from my iPod.
I think it is very important for a couple to be completely honest with each other. If you hate something your partner does even I’d it I’d a small thing but you just can’t get used to it no matter how hard you try. You need to tell your partner that it bothers you, I’d they really care about you they will stop. Ive learned this is very important in family relations in general. Thanks for the post!
June 20th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Jeff – this was a great post and I really learned from the comments. I love what Travis said about “Understanding” and “Communication”. I am most in the spot that you are in, very hard times and it’s rocky. Last week, I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t anymore. I have love my partner and we have spent many months talking about our needs and what we both want. I actually understand him after those long conversations, I don’t think I was fully listening or choosing to listen to him, when he was saying “I can’t be this and it’s not fair to you.” So from that, we decided to part ways, and I must say. And after all that, I think we both feel relief. And we have been working (business) together even better. I am only glad I did not loose a valuable friend.
June 20th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
My husband is hard-working and dedicated. I appreciate that I can count on him. But a simple act of kindness melts my heart. It’s more important than anything else.
June 21st, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Realistic thinking is what keeps a relationship going. more people should realize there will be disagreements, and there will bbe hard times in all relationships. The devorse rate tells me that people are getting really naive.
March 27th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Indeed communication is vital as well as the ability to trust. Trust does not neccessarily come automatically, so there needs to be a solid, honest background that helps lay the way for trust to occur. Laughter is important. Having shared interests that do not simply consist of watching the same game show on television every day. It is good to get out and share adventures together, but also have your own interests that make you unique.
Personally, I find my relationship works best when we are supporting each other and when we get out and enjoy time together, outside of the norm. So even if that means something as simple as a walk in the park, it is time when we are talking instead of being over comfortable with a set routine. It’s important to have a routine, but also break it reguarly with spontaneous fun together.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
As I’m single right now I am probably not the best one to give advice – but my last relationship was ten years long. I’d say the thing that keeps a relationship really going is knowing the place you hold in the other person’s heart & being able to communicate that. It makes working through the rough times worth it.
The best relationship advice I can give is that when things are at the hardest moment and you are laying on the proverbial floor – think for a moment – really imagine what it would feel like if the phone rang and you received news that your spouse was dead. Really let yourself feel it for a few moments. An entire lifetime of never seeing that face again. It always hit me like a wake up call that I really loved my spouse & I’d stand up able and willing to work things out instead of walking away. And usually whatever it was that we’d been fighting about was something I’d realize I would actually miss him doing if something horrible happened to him. I’d come back to myself realizing that what was needed was acceptance – even if I didn’t agree with his views or what he was doing.
So I guess I’d say communication & acceptance are the things that made our relationship work.